(this is my first time ever yelling to a void, so bear that in mind)

i'm having some, sometimes rather intense, feelings about myself and i wanted to share a bit of it.

the feeling that i don't want to do anything is getting stronger again, and i have no precise reason for it. sometimes i have a desire to do things but that desire dies off very quickly, and i end up delaying the crap that i must do (ya know, studies...). even on some days i literally feel like a lump of meat that just goes back and forth between home and college, and does nothing else.

i can't quite understand why, but this started happening around the time that i came to terms with myself about my gender expression, so maybe i'm experiencing gender dysphoria perhaps? i'm in this state of emotional turmoil right now, and this has been happening since april.

soo yeah, that is why there hasn't been updates for a while, but i wish for the best in the future where i'm actually being myself instead of trying suppress myself subconsciously.

that's all i have to say now, have a nice day.